I spent some time in the sewing room – and, boy, what a treat! My dear friend Polly mailed me some of her adorable patterns – and I received them with such delight! I see a lot of adorable Aunt Polly’s Porch creations to decorate my home in the future! One of them so stole my heart, that I had to begin work on her right away!
This is “Abby Angel in Training” – and she is too cute for words! Here she is so far:
I did some other cutting and sewing this weekend, and I’ll share those photos as I try to clear up a few things from my last post.
In trying to keep my post brief (it’s okay to laugh – I know it was a looonnnggg post :o), I think I sacrificed some clarity, and want to clear a few things up. First, let me say that blogging and all we share together has been one of the greatest, simple joys of my life. And, let me reassure you, when I was talking about giving with the expectation of receiving healing and wholeness in return, I was not referring to us. If I have sent you a package of goodies, it was for the sheer joy of brightening your life a bit. There was never a thought that somehow quilting goodies would make you whole, or that you’d make me whole in return. I was referring to the close, intimate relationships in life, beginning early on with my mom, and continuing into my relationship with McStudly. And, this giving in the hopes of finding wholeness, while it’s not pretty, is quite normal for us as human beings. Women often seek wholeness in their mates, while men often seek wholeness in success at work.
Which brings me to my next point, relating to the E & S Bankruptcy, because, I’ve not only sought wholeness in McStudly, but also through work. I am a finite human being, with limited resources to give. And, while we do have many wonderful memories as a family that I’m grateful for, the bottom line is that I expended too many of resources at work, and there were far too many evenings and weekends, when I came home empty, exhausted, and preoccupied with work – and did not have the resources left to give my family what they deserved. This is a tremendous source of painful regret for me.
Last year was a transformational year in my life, with much healing, love and downright fun. And, I attribute that in great part to the fact that I did very little working outside the home, and to that little word “Rest”. I came into 2012 rejuvenated, and very excited about starting a rather large work project, that has been on my heart for some time. Yet, that excitement was tempered by fear – fear that I would fall back into my old workaholic habits, and neglect my family.
But, alas, we cannot live our lives in fear. In the end, all a person can do is examine how they are living their lives, and examine the kind of fruit that life is bearing in their heart – because that is always the fruit we project out into the world, and that is the fruit that is projected back to us from the world.
I have done that, and I think that might be the greatest lesson of last year. There are two kinds of living and giving. One comes out of human effort and a sense of lack (Fruit: anxiety, pressure, loneliness, emptiness, exhaustion . . .). The other comes out of abiding in the present moment in the abundance of God (Fruit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness . . . and I’ll add in Downright Fun).
You see, I have a wonderful family, many wonderful friends, and some wonderful work to do in this life – and all of them deserve the best I have to give. Yes, I plan on doing a lot of Giving this year – and, as such, I’m going to have to do a lot of Receiving from Big Guy if that Giving is to bear Good Fruit.
Sunny, mentioned that her Word last year was “Blessings”, and she signed her posts with that - each time being a little reminder of her Word. I thought it was a wonderful idea – so I plan to end each post this year with a little something about my Word. This is the thought that keeps coming to me today:
God is the human whisperer within. Our souls must be quietly at rest, and our hearts open to receive, in order to hear Him.